Don't know how many of you watch True Blood, but I do not. I make it a habit not to watch many TV shows in the summer, because:
A) I'm not a vampire and therefore have the ability to go outside,
B) If I am home I watch baseball and
C) If these shows were any good they would not be on in the summer. (And fuck you, I don't care if it is HBO it's still TV.)
I want to give a Red Flag to just about anything popular involving vampires...but vampires SHOULD by all accounts be totally kick-ass. From what I know about True Blood, it's basically a soap opera with soft-core porn scenes...so soft-core porn. I'll take it. Then they threw this scene out there, where the guy vampire hate-fucks some chick vampire and rips her head backwards and continues screwing her, it's totally brutal. In Toy Story, this is Mr. Potato head ripping Mrs. Potato Head's lips off before some of that good 'tater lovin'. (NOTE: avoid obvious potato "head" joke...dammit.)
I don't know what to flag here. The writers? I can't flag that kind of hate...Can I give them the first ever Flagornot "Extreme Hate Award"? Do I have to make up some kind of picture for an award now? I think I have a full blown hate-on (hate-boner? hate-pole? hate-rection. Definitely hate-rection). Since I cannot possibly flag this kind of impressive hatred. I will flag the woman behind (not in-front-of-with-her-head-turned-backwards awesome imaginary combination of necrophilia and "coitus more ferarum" ) of the series.
Charlaine Harris.
Seriously. This entire series was adapted from romance novels written by this backwoods Arkansas shut-in who spent hours upon hours writing about vampires doin' it. ("The vampires, they don't-a "do it"...they make-a-love.")
I vant to flag your knowledge of sex and relationships Ms. McNugget...
Go ahead, defend your flaggable obsession with vampires, lonely shut-ins.
(By the way, "Potato Head" would totally be an Irish sexual position if the Irish were allowed to do anything but create pale children in the missionary position)
True Blood is just like the weather - It's something for people with nothing to talk about, to talk about.
ReplyDeleteEasy there Lancil, I like to get my soft-core porn fix from True Blood. You just don't like it because it's popular right now. But if only 5 people watched you, you'd give it a chance.
ReplyDeleteIn Charlaine Harris's defense, the show is loosely based on her books, i.e. that hate fuck scene is not in the books. The show is a massive improvement on the source material, which while a good guilty pleasure read, is still pretty much garbage. The show is written, produced, and directed by a gay dude, so that pretty much explains the amount of sex and scantily clad people.
But I will flag the recent popularity of vampires in general- Twilight, Vampire Diaries, etc. I may write a super hateful blog about shlock like those.