I love America. (feel free to hum your favorite patriotic tune whilst reading, some suggestions, The Battle Hymn of the Republic, The Star Spangled Banner, R-O-C-K In The U.S.A.) This Independence Day weekend I want to celebrate by laying around a pool and barbecuing. You know what else I want to do? Blow shit up. I want to shoot pyrotechnics into the sky and watch it explode and listen to the shocking boom of freedom. Attempting to ruin every single party for everyone is the flaggot (above pictured) and his ilk.
Why is buying fireworks illegal (though thankfully readily available)? Because of dingbats like this drunk bro who decided it'd be cool to light shit off his chest. Although, this flagtard was probably (regrettably) unharmed by this incident. We've all had our occasional Roman Candle wars, we've all thrown firecrackers and M-80s where we probably should not have, but I do not know a soul who has blown his hand off, or lit his face on fire. When dealing with fireworks, you must expect the worst, and because they are capable of such dire consequences they are thusly, wicked awesome. But you know what, I was raised with fireworks, I know that an M-80 can literally destroy an otherwise healthy Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle.
But again, I was lucky enough to be raised by caring parents who told me not to explode. I don't know where to put the blame for these flagworthy assholes who blow themselves up, shoddy explosives, poor judgment, bad parenting or fucking ridiculous prohibition-type laws that don't make a lick of sense. Seriously, in PA they sell all kinds of fireworks, but they are illegal to use in PA and you can't buy them unless you have an out of state license (ie. NJ, NY), but the fireworks are also illegal to possess or use in most neighboring states (ie. NJ, NY). The fuck you say? So anyone who wants to celebrate liberty is forced to take matters into their own hands, and like
(continue humming)
